Comments for Cyber Nag http://cybernag.in Talks about Social Issues, Family and Kids Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:53:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Zephyr http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11008 Zephyr Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:53:02 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11008 You and other youngsters out there are whom I keep pointing out as the wise ones who have learnt the tricks of living early in life. Hurt takes a while going away, but when we decide not to let it control our thinking, it loses its power slowly as you have discovered. You and other youngsters out there are whom I keep pointing out as the wise ones who have learnt the tricks of living early in life. Hurt takes a while going away, but when we decide not to let it control our thinking, it loses its power slowly as you have discovered.

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Zephyr http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11007 Zephyr Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:50:45 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11007 Ha ha! That is a good one. But as I keep saying, though age mellows us down, wisdom is not connected to it, else we will have a country filled with wise people, given the geriatric population of India :D Maybe like you say the other hassles are so much that we can't afford to spend our time and energy on these things. But the fact is, as long as we keep mulling over some hurt, it keeps getting bigger and bigger till it threatens to swallow us. And hey, I just subscribed to your blog. :) Ha ha! That is a good one. But as I keep saying, though age mellows us down, wisdom is not connected to it, else we will have a country filled with wise people, given the geriatric population of India :D Maybe like you say the other hassles are so much that we can’t afford to spend our time and energy on these things. But the fact is, as long as we keep mulling over some hurt, it keeps getting bigger and bigger till it threatens to swallow us. And hey, I just subscribed to your blog. :)

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Zephyr http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11006 Zephyr Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:46:13 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11006 Arguments are another form of reinforcing our point of view over another, and a boost or blow to our egos depending on how it goes, isn't it? and you are right about how far one wants to take an argument and his control over his anger. Arguments are another form of reinforcing our point of view over another, and a boost or blow to our egos depending on how it goes, isn’t it? and you are right about how far one wants to take an argument and his control over his anger.

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Zephyr http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11005 Zephyr Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:41:40 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11005 I have not said anywhere that one should not make an effort to make the other person aware of having hurt us. It is only when it has no effect, or when the person has changed or even sometimes died, and we still harbour the ill will that I have quoted ancient wisdom of letting go. But our egos will not be satisfied of anything short of an abject apology from the perpetrator which may or may not come. And someone who won;t listen to reason will not change. What do you do in such an event? That's when it is prudent to let go of the grudge. And as Laughing Gas pointed out, what is right and what is wrong? They are our perceptions after all. Again, this post is about relationships and not about abusers or criminals. I have not said anywhere that one should not make an effort to make the other person aware of having hurt us. It is only when it has no effect, or when the person has changed or even sometimes died, and we still harbour the ill will that I have quoted ancient wisdom of letting go. But our egos will not be satisfied of anything short of an abject apology from the perpetrator which may or may not come. And someone who won;t listen to reason will not change. What do you do in such an event? That’s when it is prudent to let go of the grudge. And as Laughing Gas pointed out, what is right and what is wrong? They are our perceptions after all. Again, this post is about relationships and not about abusers or criminals.

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by keerthana http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11004 keerthana Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:26:55 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11004 I went through a similar situation recently with my friend and the more I obsessed about it, the more depressed I was becoming..I put myself in his shoes and thought about the circumstances..I decided to forget it and just let it go, it was difficult, but after that I am happier, and I think about it a lot less.. I went through a similar situation recently with my friend and the more I obsessed about it, the more depressed I was becoming..I put myself in his shoes and thought about the circumstances..I decided to forget it and just let it go, it was difficult, but after that I am happier, and I think about it a lot less..

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by scribblehappy http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11003 scribblehappy Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:23:01 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11003 This post brought to my mind something I remember reading a long time back.-the only way to handle an insult is to ignore it. If you cannot ignore it, laugh at it. If you cannot laugh at it, counter it. If you cannot counter it, you probably deserve it!!! I feel one gets wiser with age in these matters. I know I was very touchy when I was younger--I was easily offended and also sincerely believed in 'tit for tat'. Over the years, however, one kind of realizes the futility of holding grudges and learns to let go--maybe because you become so preoccupied with the hassles of life that there is hardly any free space in your mind where you can park the grudge? ;-) As you grow older it also begins to dawn on you that life is too short to be wasted scrutinizing past incidents and it is best to move on as soon as possible. This post brought to my mind something I remember reading a long time back.-the only way to handle an insult is to ignore it. If you cannot ignore it, laugh at it. If you cannot laugh at it, counter it. If you cannot counter it, you probably deserve it!!!

I feel one gets wiser with age in these matters. I know I was very touchy when I was younger–I was easily offended and also sincerely believed in ‘tit for tat’. Over the years, however, one kind of realizes the futility of holding grudges and learns to let go–maybe because you become so preoccupied with the hassles of life that there is hardly any free space in your mind where you can park the grudge? ;-)

As you grow older it also begins to dawn on you that life is too short to be wasted scrutinizing past incidents and it is best to move on as soon as possible.

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Zephyr http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11002 Zephyr Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:05:44 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11002 Swift reaction and retaliation of childhood is different from the festering wounds of our adult years. And I am sorry to differ with you that childhood skirmishes don't result in the break of relationship. It is only in adult relationships that this comes in and like Grond mentioned in his comment, sometimes we have to bear the burden despite it weighing us down. But again, this pertains only to close relationships and how we deal with the hurt is dependent on the importance of the same in our lives. Your short story sounds too drastic :D Swift reaction and retaliation of childhood is different from the festering wounds of our adult years. And I am sorry to differ with you that childhood skirmishes don’t result in the break of relationship. It is only in adult relationships that this comes in and like Grond mentioned in his comment, sometimes we have to bear the burden despite it weighing us down. But again, this pertains only to close relationships and how we deal with the hurt is dependent on the importance of the same in our lives. Your short story sounds too drastic :D

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by S.R.Ayyangar http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-11000 S.R.Ayyangar Wed, 22 Feb 2012 10:32:40 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-11000 That is why it is said that think twice before speaking lest the other person feel offended. This is all the more important when the normal talk turns in to an argument.How one controls the anger depends on how far one wants to take the argument. That is why it is said that think twice before speaking lest the other person feel offended. This is all the more important when the normal talk turns in to an argument.How one controls the anger depends on how far one wants to take the argument.

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Sunita http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-10999 Sunita Wed, 22 Feb 2012 10:10:42 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-10999 Kudos to the inspirator and the inspired for recreating such an evil action and reaction which is all pervading. when we are young there are two types of reaction-RETALIATE to satisfy ones ego or RETREAT , in the former case though a sense of fulfillment does happen immediately but guilt of hurt settles in sooner or later and the relationship is lost totally. In the second case, withdrawal may leave us sulking but if the offender is a SADIST, the pleasure he or she derives out of it is more hurting than the event itself. when we age, the maxim becomes why to stoop down to such abysmal levels, let us take things in our stride, all said and done, does the perpetrator ever stop, it goes from bad to worse till a grand canyon is reached , a point of no return. well to cut the story short, whatever be our reaction, the end results are the same- end of relationship! Kudos to the inspirator and the inspired for recreating such an evil action and reaction which is all pervading.
when we are young there are two types of reaction-RETALIATE to satisfy ones ego or RETREAT , in the former case though a sense of fulfillment does happen immediately but guilt of hurt settles in sooner or later and the relationship is lost totally. In the second case, withdrawal may leave us sulking but if the offender is a SADIST, the pleasure he or she derives out of it is more hurting than the event itself.
when we age, the maxim becomes why to stoop down to such abysmal levels, let us take things in our stride, all said and done, does the perpetrator ever stop, it goes from bad to worse till a grand canyon is reached , a point of no return.
well to cut the story short, whatever be our reaction, the end results are the same- end of relationship!

]]> Comment on I am hurting; why shouldn’t you too? by Siddharth http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/#comment-10998 Siddharth Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:45:36 +0000 http://cybernag.in/?p=2088#comment-10998 This may be the ideal approach ZM but IMO in letting go often the offending party doesn't even realise that they hurt you... And even if you let go of the perceived hurt, does it also mean you weren't hurt in the first place? Albeit revenge is not the sane way to go because it compunds very swiftly but at least the offender needs to be made aware of what they have done. This may be the ideal approach ZM but IMO in letting go often the offending party doesn’t even realise that they hurt you… And even if you let go of the perceived hurt, does it also mean you weren’t hurt in the first place? Albeit revenge is not the sane way to go because it compunds very swiftly but at least the offender needs to be made aware of what they have done.

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